“I have a cold and I got a card you was out wondering after. I can't read it. Let's hope someone, fucking hell understand it. You're talking someone else children just as bad as if I pulled the trigger. One of those, one of the things I'm afraid of is temptation, is the temptation, the temptation to say if I saw Sekell(?) or it's you. I'll help even Rai Rainer. I would want them to stay with me, to stay with them, fucking hell. The only way I can resist it is if I leave ASAP. Find any reason, even if it's a stupid reason to abandon leave. This is so messed up. It was like she thought it would be. It wasn't like she thought it would”